I have a hard time expressing myself, not only in writing, but in person too.

And I have been wanting to write a blog post for about 2 weeks now and had no luck, every time I tried to go and write something, as soon as the screen comes up, my mind goes blank. Even this time, I just sat here and stare at the blank screen for a whole 5 minutes not knowing how to make my thoughts flow out smoothly.

And to be honest, I sat down today wanting to write a blog post and I don’t have any particular topic I want to talk about, maybe just how my last week had been? It’s really hard going from full time job to doing absolutely nothing at home but recover from my surgery, at first, the idea of that sounded amazing, endless hours of Netflix and shows, naps whenever I would like and not have to fear over sleeping. But man! That was definitely not the case after coming out of a tonsillectomy surgery. Day 1-5 pretty much sucked, eating was hard (not to mention soft food diet is boring), swallowing was hard (no duh), sleeping was hard (used to sleeping with my mouth open, dry my throats out), choking and gagging on everything, and overall I lost interest in anything and just wanted to sit there and helplessly cry (I did, a couple times). Now I am at a week out, still working on some things, like how to drink water without getting it up my nose, swallowing is a work in process, talking is still pretty non existence, and my latest problem, a blood clot (really?! must we go there?)

The right side of my throat have been healing pretty nicely, it gets itch and tangling  and burns at times, but I know it’s because the scab is starting to come off, but the left side, it’s giving my headache, earache, sinus problems, I just thought the tonsil were more problematic on my left because it always had been and that’s why I was running into the side effects of surgery still. But nooooo…. I looked back there last night.. and find… a yummy blood clot. A bubble of blood and veins and everything burns. I was scared, not going to lie, blood clots are never a good thing no matter where in the body we are talking, and I really really really really don’t want to have to have them operated on my throat again. And this is the time when I debated if I made the right decision to having my tonsillectomy in the first place, yes they were bothersome, but I could live with it, I had lived with it for the past 23 years!

Called my ENT on call and told them what my concerns were, came to find out it’s not uncommon to get a blood clot, just to keep a close eye on it, it will come off on it’s own.. and it might bleed a little, if it does, just swish with ice cold water to help my vein spasm to stop the bleeding, but if it doesn’t stop, it’s back to the ER and back to the operating table. The site of the blood clot is too close to major arteries and it can lead to serious blood lost.

And so just that, that’s what I been doing, in between wishing I can eat real food and not be in pain.

I did found some yummy recipes that I would LOVE to try and make as soon as possible though, like

A slice of green tea mille crepe cake, I love anything with matcha, when I go to starbucks and order their green tea latte, I often times add 8-9 scoops of matcha in the drink, turning eyes as I walk away since I have a super green drink in my hands.

Yummy yummy French macarons, delicates, classy, endless flavors, I tried making them once, they were so highly technical and difficult to perfect, I am ready to tackle perfecting them again

Not a dessert for once, I never tried making twice cooked pork, never crossed my mind that I might like twice cooked pork, but ever since eating it at a restaurant previously, I am now hooked! It is so flavorful! I cannot wait!

Omurice, something that sounded so easy to make, yet so delicious, why I never thought about making this is beyond me! I would have to make some, and bonus, you can even draw on it lol

All this food post is making me hungry, for food that I cannot eat, haha, well that’s it for now, I will check back in 🙂


Valentines means love and hearts!


It’s going to be valentines this coming friday.. unfortunately for me.. i would have to work .. and i am pretty sure i am going to be tired by the time my 10 hours shift is over.. therefore.. all my heart meals that i was inspired by on pinterest is coming out today.. 🙂

First of all.. breakfast!

Pancakes.. heart shaped

Bacon.. heart shaped

Strawberries.. heart shaped

Bananas.. heart shaped

and a yummy cup of hot green tea!

hehe.. i even sent D to work with a heart shaped PB&J

Then dinner 🙂

I decided to make mushroom ravioli.. haha.. what a project that was!

first i had to make the dough, which i didnt think require that much kneading and rolling and rolling.. and more rolling.. and then filling the ravioli was a pain.. making them stick.. thin.. and heart shaped

And 3 hours later..

i have about 14 ravioli hahaha..

they really were good dont get me wrong..

but man they were so much work for so little food!

And i didnt even take a picture of it.. i was tired by that point of ravioli..

and they probably werent that photogenic anyway 🙂

recipe : http://stevescooking.blogspot.com/2012/01/mushroom-ravioli-by-steven-dolby.html

And with dinner.. i wanted to make dessert.

so strawberry shortcake cupcake sounded fabulous!

I found these really cute cupcake liners at target.. totally matched my valentines theme

imageI am so proud of my little cupcake 🙂

The cupcakes turned out awesome! the buttercream recipe was absolutely amazing.. i used puree strawberry instead of freeze dried strawberry and its so bomb!

will be making that again 🙂

recipe: http://www.cookingclassy.com/2013/02/strawberry-shortcake-cupcakes/

aww.. that was a good day 🙂

time to watch tv for a little bit more and go to bed..

so i can be alllll ready for a whole long two weeks!

GO shan GO!

Inspire to be better

Ever since i came to work at BG, i have been motivated,

I dont know if it’s because of the work i can do now and i can see how that affect other people lives, or the fact that this hospital, being a oncology based hospital, makes me realized so much more.

This would have been the hospital we toke my mom to if we knew she had a chance still, everyday that i work here, i realized i really am trying my hardest to make a different into all the patients lives.

Not only giving the patients hope, but always giving their family hope.

I was talking to one of the pharmacy student that was doing her rotation at work today, pretty much asked her how she got into pharm school, how to stay motivated, how to stay focus.

That got me so motivated to want to do better, to want something better for myself in the future.

Dont be afraid of changes, dont just limit yourself to AZ,

I know its a long journey, and along that journey, you are going to have to work very hard,

maybe you will even be rejected a lot.

But know that if you keep trying your best,

and trying your best,

and trying your best,

giving it your all,

one day,

you will get it.

Dont be always looking back on yourself and bring yourself down saying you cant.

I know you can, you just gotta try.

And in the end, at least you can say to yourself,

I did my best.

So for right now, I know I need to focus on school, there be will lots to sacrifices I know, but i know it will be worth it in the end. 🙂